Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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