I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
