If i come over, it means nothing
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
