Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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