Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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