i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
