I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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