dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
