I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
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