Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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