i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
