what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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