It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
