My first STD was from a foam party
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
