she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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