It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
