my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
