You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can I color on your dick again?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
