just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
