meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
