my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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