Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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