franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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