My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
