oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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