It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You can't just leave with hair like that
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
