ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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