on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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