someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
