Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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