I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize