My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
