everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
