how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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