I hate all girls vehemently.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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