My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize