I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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