Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My bed smells like the plague
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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