I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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