my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
