Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
