i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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