If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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