i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Come share oat with me in your robe
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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