i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
