I was born with a shot glass in my hand
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize