dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
