I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
