You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
