I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dignity is for republicans.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
