Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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