you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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