There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
