Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
