You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
