I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
