i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
