The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
