Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
