it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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