tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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