Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
