i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize