well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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