i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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