so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize