don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
