Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
