This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
