Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize