hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
