If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
