I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
