I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
