it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I cannot find my penis.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So many bounce houses so little time
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we should paint friendship bongs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
