watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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