And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
