ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
