Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
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