Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
