do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
