can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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