I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize