Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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