She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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